25
September 2013 –
Our
Family Needs to Hash This Out.
Will
y’all please sit down? Would somebody
please park Aunt Crystal’s wheelchair near the front so she can follow the
discussion? Thank you getting’ together
in this family council. We have a lotta
issues to discuss. Since Cousin Victor
insists that we no longer start meetings with a prayer, let’s get right into
it.
Our
agenda has a bunch of important issues. 1)
Constant crime and violence in nearby neighborhoods, committed by ethnic gangs
on each other and on innocent neighbors, are threatening our family’s
security. 2) The family compound gates
are left open all hours of the day and night, with no one watching who enters
or leaves. 3) We need to tidy up our
family compound since most of us create some garbage and smoke running
businesses out of our sheds and garages.
4) Our kids’ marks in school ain’t stacking up against those in other
neighborhoods. 5) Is Cousin Waylon
getting his meds delivered on time?
Before
chewing on these, I say that our number one issue is the family’s finances. Ever since we hired Uncle Sam to help us deal
with all our issues, we have had good times and bad times. But, we find ourselves in a new mud hole, and
we are digging it deeper every day. Very
soon, if we don’t climb out, we will bury ourselves. Then, others’ cows will graze on our
lawns. We need to talk about how much of
our money Uncle Sam is spending.
Right
now, we pay Uncle Sam about $275,000/year to do all this stuff for the
family. This amount has gone up a lot
over the years. OK, we get a lot for the
money; but, in the last ten to fifteen years, Uncle Sam has been spending far
more than what we pay him every year.
Last year, he spent over $350,000.
In fact, he right now has over $1,700,000 in credit card debt. That is more than the entire family makes in
a year. He spends at least $40,000/year
on the debt interest alone. Just how
long Uncle Sam is gonna be able to sweet talk the bank into handling that debt
is debatable. Family: we gotta rein in
Uncle Sam or the bank will demand that we pay that debt with our money and our
property. Our good name is gonna be
worthless. Then, what are we gonna get
done?
I,
therefore, put to a vote that we demand that Uncle Sam every year submits a
list of stuff he can do for us, how much it’s gonna cost, and makes sure that
the cost is the same or less than what we are payin’ him. That’ll keep the bank off our back as we
figure out how to start payin’ on the debt itself. I vote for it. Whatty’all think?
Aunt
Mabel? “Crystal and I don’t think we
need a vote. Uncle Sam is a good
man. He cares for the family, especially
those in need. Everything will work out
if we trust him. Against.”
Cousin
Cletis? “We need to borrow more money right
now anyway or Uncle Sam won’t be able to pay today’s bills. I am sure the bank also is under a lot of
pressure to extend more credit. We don’t
need a vote until later, when things get really hairy. Against.”
Cousin
Earl? “I’m sorry, Cousin, I was on my
phone talking to my foreman. I gotta go
to work. But, I’m all for it. ”
Aunt
Agnes? “I’ll vote for anything that’ll
keep my monthly check comin’ in. I am
afraid. Against.”
Cousin Waylon? “He’s your Uncle Sam, but he’s my Daddy, and
he got me my job. I’ll vote to keep
things the way they are. Against.”
Cousin
Buford? "It seems that we are spending a
lot of money for things we can do better for ourselves. For."
Cousin
Sue? "We’re getting’ some fancy things, but
it’s like we don’t need to be a family no more.
For. "
Finally,
Cousin Syvie? "I can take care of myself
better than Uncle Sam ever can. What’s more,
he just dumped a bunch of our money in a health spa membership that will cost
our young’uns a ton of money for something they don’t need and I can’t even get
me an appointment in the next two weeks.
For. For. For."
Thank
you, family. Hmm…until we solve this, is the
rest of the agenda even worth going through right now?