Mac-Coleman

25 September 2013 –

Our Family Needs to Hash This Out. 

Will y’all please sit down?  Would somebody please park Aunt Crystal’s wheelchair near the front so she can follow the discussion?  Thank you getting’ together in this family council.  We have a lotta issues to discuss.  Since Cousin Victor insists that we no longer start meetings with a prayer, let’s get right into it.  

Our agenda has a bunch of important issues.  1) Constant crime and violence in nearby neighborhoods, committed by ethnic gangs on each other and on innocent neighbors, are threatening our family’s security.  2) The family compound gates are left open all hours of the day and night, with no one watching who enters or leaves.  3) We need to tidy up our family compound since most of us create some garbage and smoke running businesses out of our sheds and garages.  4) Our kids’ marks in school ain’t stacking up against those in other neighborhoods.  5) Is Cousin Waylon getting his meds delivered on time? 

Before chewing on these, I say that our number one issue is the family’s finances.  Ever since we hired Uncle Sam to help us deal with all our issues, we have had good times and bad times.  But, we find ourselves in a new mud hole, and we are digging it deeper every day.  Very soon, if we don’t climb out, we will bury ourselves.  Then, others’ cows will graze on our lawns.  We need to talk about how much of our money Uncle Sam is spending.

Right now, we pay Uncle Sam about $275,000/year to do all this stuff for the family.  This amount has gone up a lot over the years.  OK, we get a lot for the money; but, in the last ten to fifteen years, Uncle Sam has been spending far more than what we pay him every year.  Last year, he spent over $350,000.  In fact, he right now has over $1,700,000 in credit card debt.  That is more than the entire family makes in a year.  He spends at least $40,000/year on the debt interest alone.  Just how long Uncle Sam is gonna be able to sweet talk the bank into handling that debt is debatable.  Family: we gotta rein in Uncle Sam or the bank will demand that we pay that debt with our money and our property.  Our good name is gonna be worthless.  Then, what are we gonna get done? 

I, therefore, put to a vote that we demand that Uncle Sam every year submits a list of stuff he can do for us, how much it’s gonna cost, and makes sure that the cost is the same or less than what we are payin’ him.  That’ll keep the bank off our back as we figure out how to start payin’ on the debt itself.  I vote for it.  Whatty’all think? 

Aunt Mabel?  “Crystal and I don’t think we need a vote.  Uncle Sam is a good man.  He cares for the family, especially those in need.  Everything will work out if we trust him.  Against.”

Cousin Cletis?  “We need to borrow more money right now anyway or Uncle Sam won’t be able to pay today’s bills.  I am sure the bank also is under a lot of pressure to extend more credit.  We don’t need a vote until later, when things get really hairy.  Against.”

 

Cousin Earl?  “I’m sorry, Cousin, I was on my phone talking to my foreman.  I gotta go to work. But, I’m all for it.  ” 

Aunt Agnes?  “I’ll vote for anything that’ll keep my monthly check comin’ in.  I am afraid.  Against.” 

Cousin Waylon?   “He’s your Uncle Sam, but he’s my Daddy, and he got me my job.  I’ll vote to keep things the way they are.  Against.” 

 

Cousin Buford?  "It seems that we are spending a lot of money for things we can do better for ourselves.  For." 

Cousin Sue?  "We’re getting’ some fancy things, but it’s like we don’t need to be a family no more.  For. "

Finally, Cousin Syvie?  "I can take care of myself better than Uncle Sam ever can.  What’s more, he just dumped a bunch of our money in a health spa membership that will cost our young’uns a ton of money for something they don’t need and I can’t even get me an appointment in the next two weeks.  For. For. For."

   

Thank you, family.  Hmm…until we solve this, is the rest of the agenda even worth going through right now?