Mac-Coleman

31 December 2013 –

New Year’s Resolutions 2014

A recent study concluded that when we write down our goals, we are fifty per cent more likely to achieve them.  The same study suggested that if we emulate successful people, the chances for our personal success also will increase greatly.  So, I pondered a bit, and decided I would use the government model as my model for personal success and share my New Year’s resolutions with you.    

I resolve that in this next year, I shall abandon our family budget and spend at least thirty per cent more money than what I earn.  The obligation will accrue as unsecured credit card debt, mounting each month because I’ll show no intent to pay off the principal.  To maintain a decent credit rating, I’ll pay only the minimum amount required on the monthly statement.  When I’ve reached my credit limit, I’ll use another credit card, and then another.  When I reach my debt limits, I’ll ask the credit card companies to raise them, promising that I shall be fiscally restrained from that moment on. 

This fiscal philosophy may allow me to continue deficit spending in the following years as well.  Now I can start to buy what I’m entitled to have, and experience what I’m entitled to experience.  The American dream will be mine.  I’ll finally be freed from the constraints of thrift, personal accountability, and sacrifice for tomorrow’s security.  I can’t wait to get started. 

I’ve also decided that since I’m the head of our family at least through January 2017, I’ll continue relaxing those cumbersome ideas of proper public conduct.  Why shouldn’t I appear youthful and cool during my daily routine of family governance?  I’m sure boring family funerals will pass more quickly if I take more selfies instead of sitting respectfully.

BTW, I like wearing shorts instead of slacks when I play on private golf courses.  The stodgy upper crust should lighten up.  So what if I’m seen in public with my hands in my pockets (“Air Force gloves”, to my old Army compatriots) or chewing gum at official events?  I’m head of the family until I am replaced.  Get over it.

Finally, I learned from the administration’s implementation of the Affordable Care Act how to respond to similar, potential problems on the local level.  For example, how difficult is the following story to believe? 

I resolve that throughout 2014, I won’t stop at the three-way stop light in the center of our subdivision.  The president of the town council pushed the council to approve the installation of stop lights at a wide-open intersection where most homeowners felt they were not needed and where no accidents had occurred.   But, the president contended that stop lights there would enable a minority of home owners in one corner of the subdivision to more easily join the larger community in enjoying the entitlements of society.   

The project has been a disaster.  To start, the president convinced the county tax assessor to enforce the law by levying tax fines on those who run the lights or who insist on using other roads in and out of the subdivision.  Fortunately, enforcement has become a moot point until more pressing problems are solved. 

A delay in design and installation caused contractor costs to double.  City tax increases will certainly follow.  What’s more, the new system will require some drivers to wait long periods, based on “anticipated usage from targeted directions.”  But, the home owners that the stop lights were supposed to benefit rarely use that intersection anyway.  They continue to use another, more convenient route in and out of the subdivision.  When these last two facts became known, the ill-prepared president arbitrarily exempted other home owners in the subdivision from having to use the intersection until the entire system was “working more smoothly.”  The president’s entire plan is falling apart from its own weight and may never be fixed.  In the meantime, I shall ignore it all, stop when I want to stop, and do what benefits me the most.       

So, why did I pick these three resolutions for 2014?  Because my government and its leaders show me that these propositions will require the least amount of personal effort for the most short-term gain.  They will delay payment and equity for instant rewards. 

My goodness, if I achieve my 2014 resolutions, I could use this same message to get elected to public office in 2016.   Another of my great ideas!